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Successful Living – Forgiveness

Hey everyone Happy August    November!

So this topic of forgiveness came up because my church has had Inner Healing services for the past few months. In a few sessions we dealt with forgiveness.

We often talk about our many issues (anger, bitterness, insecurity etc.) but don’t look within ourselves long enough to find the causes. When we get to the why of an issue it is easier to solve, by addressing the cause instead of the emotions that result.

In this post I share some of  what I learnt from our sessions on forgiveness and of course my experiences in forgiving.

Over my life I’ve heard people say you must forgive others not just for their sake but also for you. I never really understood this fully, yes I heard what they said but what does that really mean anyway ……..a lot of great sounding words strung  together?

Only after experiencing this for myself have I really understood the true impact of forgiveness. It has truly been life changing, to say the least!

I learnt to forgive myself.

Have you learnt to forgive yourself? Forgiving yourself is important but  often overlooked. We tend to see where others can be forgiven but we continue to punish ourselves for past mistakes.

I was living in regret, thinking that I deserved whatever I got because of the many mistakes of my past. We sometimes make decisions in life that we do not realise at the time are wrong for us.  My pastor told us if we knew better we would have done better. It makes no sense punishing yourself for mistakes you have already made, instead, admit the errors and choose to move forward.

Do not dwell on past mistakes and allow them to constantly be a part of your present. Forgiving yourself is important, it’s the only way you can move forward. I learnt how you treat yourself is a reflection of how you treat others. If you find it hard to accept forgiveness for you, are you truly forgiving others?

 

mountain view of a sunset
Forgiving God.

Be truthful to yourself and admit where you have blamed God for certain situations in your life. For me, I realised that I felt I had trusted God with certain things, making decisions based on what I thought was right and things did not turn out the way I expected. I then built a defense where I would trust up to certain level.

God…… I can trust you here, but lets not go to this place. Stay in this zone where I can believe you to heal sickness but not my broken heart.

To overcome this I had to admit to myself I did not follow the instructions totally and in some instances made decisions on my own when I should have continued consulting Him.

Also I had to admit I made errors that could only lead to some of the results I got. There was no getting away from the results because every action has an effect. Our expectations are also often not always God’s intention.

Often we want to blame God for the consequences of our actions or the actions and choices of others. This is not right, God has left everyone with the ability to choose their own destiny. Your choices decide where you end up, don’t blame God for the choices you made.

Forgiving Others.

Have you ever said you forgive someone but every time you see them or hear their name emotions bubble up within? ……. Anger, disgust, anxiety, rage, shame maybe? Don’t worry … me too!

Don’t hide from your emotions, admit them and be true to what you really feel. By identifying your emotions you are on the road to being able to really deal with them. You can’t fix what you wouldn’t admit to.

Until this topic came up I thought I had a really good handle on this. I didn’t realise how long my list of persons that I haven’t forgiven was. It was long…  Don’t feel bad if when you start writing you feel the list getting “out of hand” (i.e. way too long)!

I had to pray about this, first asking the Lord to show me persons I hadn’t forgiven.

Then asking Him to help me forgive them. Some was hard, I had to go back many times for some! Don’t be alarmed I think this is okay as long as your goal is to get rid of that bitterness etc. Go back as many times as you need to get rid of it.

What made it easier for me was that I was reminded just as I want others to forgive me for my errors, I should forgive others. (it’s in The Lords Prayer).

Some of the things I was holding on to was so petty I couldn’t believe myself. I had done worse to myself and others. But when you choose to bury your true feelings and not be true to yourself this will happen to you. Things you should have let go of a long time ago you’ll find cluttering up your mind and heart.

Forgiveness does not need you to make up with the other person.  You simply need to let go of the hurt or betrayal caused. You do not have to allow the person back into your life or in the same role.

This was such a relief for me! I thought it meant I still had issues if I didn’t want the same relationship as before with the person.  Don’t ask me where I came up with this crazy idea! I really can’t say… I think this often prevents us from letting go because we believe if we forgive them then they have rights to the same relationship as before. That’s not true. You decide where in your life if at all you want the person.

MY TAKEAWAY ON FORGIVENESS
  • It is only the love of Christ that can truly help you to forgive. Without God’s love it is just impossible to forgive and move on in some situations because it is only using his wisdom you can say yes and let go sometimes.
  • I was trying to forgive from a surface level, not really dealing with the hurt, betrayal, or whatever emotions the situation evoked. When I dug up those feelings I had buried, forgave myself and others and allowed the love of God into the situation, I finally felt free. I mean….. like light, a weight I didn’t even know I was carrying left me! If I had wings I would fly….. like seriously!
  • I let myself and others I had imprisoned out of jail.  Took my personal power back and so I no longer gave those persons power over my emotions and actions. If someone other than yourself can decide the way you feel every time you see, hear or think of them, then you have given them way too much power over you.
  • Forgiving is a daily choice. We interact with people daily and it would be foolish to think with all those personalities out there no one would ever hurt or be hurt whether intentional or not.
  • Sometimes we hurt so badly and we bury it so deep even we forget it’s there. The human mind is a powerful thing. Many times on autopilot we hide, run or pack away our emotions and anything else we don’t want to deal with. In the long run however it does us no good. To be our real selves and experience true success, we must let go of pretense and the lies we told ourselves and others.

I learnt that so many times we may miss God’s blessings because we are carrying issues within us that shouldn’t be there. Don’t allow yourself to miss the blessings of God’s peace, love and joy because you refuse to believe that you can forgive yourself and others even as God forgives you. It’s possible!!

God Bless!

 

Successful Living – Input=Output?

Hey everyone

How have you been since you last visited? I hope you are moving in the direction you want to go. So I’ve been thinking for some time now about input = output. Is what you put in really always what you get back?

My mind has gone in this direction because I have thought of the things that have brought me to my present place.

I have found that I have spent many hours listening to and reading positive information.

Much of the information has been quite helpful along the way to build my faith no matter how life decided to play. I must admit however some of the input wasn’t so wholesome and caused me to make some errors along the way.

Nevertheless whether I fell, ran, walked, stood or swayed, whether I was discouraged or motivated I was able to move forward (sometimes crawl forward!!!) because of my input.

What if I had decided to leave the input on the shelf? What if I had not gone to the seminars, bought the sermons, read the books. Where would I be now?

Once we are living, good and bad can’t be avoided. What if we choose to take in more good than bad though. Wouldn’t the outcome be a more  positive than negative look? Is there a ratio of positive:negative that is needed to move forward or win in life?

Well after thinking and observing for a while I had to scrap this theory. I observed that even though some people (myself included!) are exposed to a lot of positive input they still somehow sometimes choose to give negative output.  My conclusion? It’s really a choice, at any given moment you must decide what you say and how you react.

If you decide to expose yourself to positive will you really listen and live from that positive outlook or will you choose negative (which seems to be default for most of the population). Again it comes down to you, what do you choose?

Recently my pastor brought further clarity on this subject for me. She pointed out that everything we hear and see leaves a seed. Even though we may think something does not affect us it often lies dormant until an event, word or thoughts trigger a reaction from us. Wow!!!! That is both scary and awesome at the same time!

Scary because I really don’t want any fruit from some of the things I have heard and seen over the past years. Really…. some things I’ve heard and let stay in me have produced some not so nice outcomes.

However, it’s awesome because I’ve read and heard some excellent life changing things as well that will hopefully work for me given the right environment.

So taking all this into consideration I decided to limit my conversations with some persons and avoid conversations altogether with others.  You know sometimes you listen to people out of respect but you really prefer not to, well I had to learn to respect my need for less negative input.

I also had to change some of the movies and tv series I choose to look at. I reallllly  enjoyed some of them (yes those extras are deliberate!! haha…) but I decided that I don’t want some of the things I saw in some of those shows to manifest in my life. I decided I am exposed to enough garbage involuntarily, why should I then want to deliberately contaminate my life!

I think the deciding factor in one instance was when I started thinking with the accent and using the slang!!! Oh my gosh!! I said to myself: ‘Really Jiselle…I think you overdid it a bit much!!’.  Can you imagine if I’m thinking with an accent what else has gotten its way into my conscience waiting to show up!

I also had to choose to generate more positive output! Imagine that! Decide to act right. Now my acting right is based on bible principles, cause everyone will have their own opinion on what is right and what is wrong, which will usually change depending on their mood or who they are dealing with.

However the word of God changeth not (yes I got all ancient on you! hehe! ooh!).

hands typing on a computer

 I encourage you to check your input:
  • Is your input helping you with your life journey?
  • Are you moving forward or backward due to your input ?
  • Is what you are exposing yourself to taking you to your intended destination?
  • Is what you expose yourself to really what you want to see manifested in your life?

What are you taking in that you shouldn’t, and what should you be including in your input that you haven’t?

Our input shapes our thinking, speaking the way we live and determines whether we grow or not. 

It’s safe to say then that the more we choose to use the good input we expose ourselves to the better our output or the way we live.

Now of course, all these are my thoughts from what I have observed, just me thinking from the inside out.

Tell me, what shapes your thinking and affects the way you see yourself and you life?

God bless!!!

.

 

Successful Living – To Fear or Not to Fear?

Hey guys it’s me again,

So I’ve been thinking about fear.

What is fear really?

Why does it show up?

How can we get rid of it?

Are there any signs to know it’s coming?

I have to confess….. these thoughts and questions came up because even though I’ve posted for a few months I still take a long time before I hit that publish button! Why?  You may be asking. well if you have read any of my earlier posts you know I write about my life experiences, thoughts etc. It’s basically me inside out in cyber space for all to read.

I don’t know how others do it daily but it has had me pausing lengthily between posts.

Now I do write on paper but it takes a bit for it to get into cyber space. It’s quite okay when you look okay on the outside and no one knows your thoughts or experiences.

However quite another when there is a continuous exposure of your thoughts feelings and mistakes for people you know and don’t know to see.

Now when I put my thoughts down on paper it seems to help a lot, but really Lord can’t I still write about skin care or may be weight loss and publish those? …… okay does that silence on the matter mean no ?

So another confession… every time I write I get that inner……. you know… satisfaction? Every time I write I know I move closer to that place that I am going but don’t know the address for. I just know it’s where I need to go.

So many times we choose to stay at the wrong address. We choose to not do the things that will take us out of our comfort zones and into the unknown. We can never be fully satisfied in comfort zone, something will always be missing.  Only purpose will bring you that thing that you are looking for.

Every time I hit that publish button I expose myself some more, but I also learn more about myself in the process of writing.

I read somewhere that you overcome fear by doing that which you are fearful of.

I’ve also heard many speakers,writers and successful persons in general  say fear always shows up anytime something new is about to be attempted.

What is fear?

dictionary.com says fear is :

  • a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
  • something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something person is afraid of.
  • to consider or anticipate (something unpleasant) with a feeling of dread or alarm.
  • Some say False Evidence Appearing Real.
  • Others say it’s a story you told yourself about something that may happen in the future.

 

  • I remember one speaker saying if you are going to do something new and it does not scare you then you are aiming too low set new goals!
 cartoons showing fear
Why does it show up anyway?

Does it sense we are about to make a life changing move?

That someone or something is going to be forever changed because of us? Maybe it realises we will mend a broken relationship by finally speaking our true feelings to that person.

I think it shows up because it can and most people don’t let it know it’s not welcome.

Questions to ponder:
  • Are you afraid of doing or of what others may say because of what you are doing?
  • Is it fear of standing out? Not looking like everyone else around you?
  • Are you thinking you can’t make a difference, it’s too small to count or too little to matter?
  • Are you depriving us of your gift and blaming it on fear? Don’t use fear as an excuse not to do, it really loves that!
  • Remember instances when you were blessed by someone’s book, speech, smile, word of encouragement, meal, blog post, hug, gift, movie etc. ( I could go on) how did you feel when you received it?  Again, who is waiting on you? Who has prayed and said there must be an answer but you refuse to see what you have to offer as of great value.
Overcoming Fear
  • Make small moves daily forward.
  • Release your fear and hold on to your desire/passion
  • Is your perspective correct? My pastor asked us last week : “Are you looking at your life through clean lens?” Are you looking with the right information? Do you need better or more info?
  • According to NIKE “Just do it!” – it often comes down to this one for me. I have to end up just jumping in already! When you do you wonder what you were making all that fuss for!
  • Surrounding yourself with persons who will speak positively into your life is always a plus.
  • Speak to yourself, for goodness sake let your voice be louder than what fear is saying. (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!) check out my earlier post I declare. I feel like I can fly sometimes when I’m done.
  • What are you feeding yourself? Is it I can or I can’t?
  • Study people who did what you want to do and succeeded. Success leaves clues.
  • Let it know whether it shows up or not it does not alter the decision already made to move forward.
  • When I face things that cause me to feel fear I try to remember past instances when I thought I couldn’t do something but I did and succeeded or maybe I failed (at least I had the guts to try!).
  • Commit to do. Plan and execute. I commit to writing two blog posts every month for the next 3 months and then once per week.

Now you may be saying:  Really Jiselle that’s it? Those things are so easy to write, I need real things I can do! I promise you can do what you have said you can’t using what I’ve written above.

So are you going to wait for fear to leave? or are you going to do that thing anyway with fear standing next to you ?

Take back that power you have given to that four letter word and use it to propel you forward.

Remember the presence of fear does not mean you can’t do.

So I urge you today to do that which you have delayed to do. Be the change agent you have been called to be. Let your voice be heard.

Hit that publish button continually! I promise with every step it gets easier to hit publish once you let go of fear and focus on purpose.  Don’t miss the opportunity for new and better things by staying in that safe mediocre lane, instead launch out for big! God bless!!

Successful Living – I Declare

Hey guys,

Happy Holy week to all.  The words ‘I declare‘ have been doing a dance in  my mind for some time. I’ve been thinking on the importance of speaking positively to yourself daily and declaring what you want to see in your life.

cartoon with speaker

This has admittedly been on my mind since last year and I probably would have done better if I had continued practicing it daily.

Life is such that sometimes it’s a battle just to stay positive.
Lets face it, if you don’t talk to yourself that might be the only positive thing you hear for the day.

Sometimes we find ourselves hiding from people, well….. I do at least! haha!!!  I just really don’t want you to mess up my day by me having to unnecessarily fight off your negative comments. The negativity becomes so much a part of some people, it’s all they speak and when you say no they get upset and say it again. Look …if you want to keep your negative thoughts you are welcome to them but really I don’t have to agree with you!

So usually when I get a statement or scripture that really resonates with me I would write it on paper and read it out loud, sometimes every morning or when I feel the need to. I have found that when I arm myself with this weapon I am most likely not to fall into the trap of agreeing with negative comments or speaking negatively myself.

There are often little things we do daily that keep us moving forward intentionally.

We sometimes don’t realise until we stop doing them and wake up where we don’t want to be.

 I believe intentional living is important. Someone told me recently I think too much. I will definitely have to disagree, it is only when I stop thinking and just live I get results I don’t want.

I am seeing more and more the things I did that I took for granted are the things that kept me going. They kept me fighting the issues of life, and kept me afloat on my journey.

What have you stopped doing that is vital to you living life effectively? The bible says that David encouraged himself in the Lord. Are you encouraging yourself daily or depending on others to do it for you?

Often when situations arose I would automatically hear one of the scriptures I had written in my head, helping me push and move past the situation.

Some Declarations or Statements I use
  • I HAVE THE VICTORY
  • GREATER IS HE THAT IS WITHIN ME THAN HE THAT IS                                                   IN THE WORLD
  • MY CIRCUMSTANCE IS NOT BEYOND GOD’S ABILITY
  • IF IT IS TO BE ITS UP TO ME
  • FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION
  • I WAS BUILT TO LAST
  • TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Being focused and strategic is important to living successfully. Get to know who you are so you can be that person. Know what it takes to be you and stay on the path you have chosen.

I choose to be more aware of myself. This is just one of the things I do to keep myself moving forward. What are some of the things you say to yourself or declare?

As I continue to think on my life and as I listen to God’s word I try to align my life with His word. God’s word is truth and life. The truth is admittedly sometimes hard to swallow because it forces you to admit your errors. You have to admit you were wrong accept the truth and move forward in truth.

 I continue to press because I am determined to win. Though I may have fallen and stumbled many times I refuse to give up. I have read since my childhood that there is life in Christ. I am determined to reach to the place where I can say I finished the race.

God bless!

Successful Living – Get Up & Move On!

Hey guys,

So it’s been a while, so many things have happened since I last showed up. I’ve started a few new ventures, rearranged the blog a little and that which I feared the most came upon me.

baby getting up from the floor

In turning 37, I was pretty comfortable with me and who I was at that time. I was happy, healthy and free!  But somewhere along the way I gave up my new inner peace and joy.

Thoughts which should not have been allowed to stay in my mind and be comfortable were left to be meditated on and become a part of me, even though it was not me.

I distinctly remember one particular thought “Why are you so happy?” there was an accusatory tone to the question as though I had no right to be happy!

Sure enough after a few attempts, I stupidly choose to let that thought affect me and how I operated. Once that one got in ‘you are lonely’ showed up along with a few others and I let the door open for whoever else wanted to come in.

I heard someone say your thoughts spill out into your actions. If you are telling yourself you can’t then sure enough you will not.  So, for far too long, even though there were many life lines thrown my way I choose to stay in that place instead of moving on and rejecting the thoughts that came to me.

Many times we say we can’t or don’t know how we got ourselves in certain situations but if we think back I am certain we can see clearly where we dropped the ball.

In living we must remember that the battlefield is truly in our mind. Once someone can influence your thoughts they influence your life. Guarding your mind is important to make sure you live successfully.

WHAT DID I LEARN & REMEMBER ? 
  • GUARD YOUR THOUGHTS                                                                                                         You cannot accept every thought that pops up in your mind as your own. It is your responsibility to choose to think on things that are good.
  1. Philippians 4:8 says: And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

    If you apply this scripture it really helps to guard your mind and heart. It keeps you on a positive road of thinking and actively choosing what you think about.

  • ASK FOR HELP!

There is no shame in telling someone you trust that you are not feeling your usual self. There must be someone in your life that you trust and can speak to, not necessarily to give advice but just to listen.

  • DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF FOR GRANTED

Sometimes we do everything else under the sun but look within. Busy with living but not actually living life, letting life live us. Doing things should never be allowed to be more important than being whole and healthy.

  • BE TRUE

Always take time to be true to yourself and where you are at. If you are not true to yourself then you are lying to yourself and everyone around you. Look back for a refresher! Be true

  • DON’T DELAY

In staying where you shouldn’t be you are not only harming yourself but others that are connected to you. You are unnecessarily putting your life in reverse. The longer you take to get up the more opportunities you miss and the more junk you have to get rid of.  Who is waiting on you to get your act together?

  •  DON’T IGNORE THE HELP!

God provides the help we need, the bible says He provides a way of escape. For goodness sake, don’t ignore it then say you don’t know what to do. Too many times we choose to stay broken and not take the help provided and get on with living.

Help comes in many forms: sermons, videos, books, direct words of encouragement from someone. However it comes grab hold of it and use it to the fullest.

Moving on….

I’ve come to the place where I acknowledge life will be life, the difference is how we choose to see it on any given day and how we choose to live daily.  My Pastor asked me if my perception of my life is correct. I gave up the truth for a lie.

Is your perception of your life correct?

So easily sometimes we choose to give up the truth for a lie. Quite frankly I’m tired of making circles that take me back to where I don’t want to be.

I am truly to old for it I don’t have the luxury of time anymore.  I have too much to do,to keep doing that. So once again I’ve chosen to get up and move from where I should not be and go in the direction of abundant life.

We must choose to live successfully daily by having a daily plan for improvement. If you are not moving forward you are automatically going backwards. It is our responsibility to decide how we live our lives, whether in victory or defeat.

Iaccept full responsibility for my thoughts

I choose victory. What do you choose?

Continue to live from the inside out. God Bless.